12 Comments
User's avatar
Naomi Murray, RHN, NNCP's avatar

so well explained Luise!! this piece made me wonder whether shame can also function as a protective mechanism against the discomfort of change. if we internalize a mistake as part of who we are, I wonder if that sometimes protects us from the vulnerability of confronting it, repairing it, and growing from it. because then we don't have to grapple with the tough questions like "why did i act that way, where is that coming from", etc. in some ways, it's almost easier to believe "this is who i am, i am a bad person" than it is to sit with the discomfort of change. wondering what you think of that ❤️

Luise's avatar

absolutely, what you're describing makes perfect sense! your comment also made me think of fixed vs. growth mindset. shame keeps us in the fixed mindset and can convince us we're the victim and that we cannot change. we're almost paralyzed. but guilt, although not being a pleasant emotion, helps us move forward and become better. thank you for sharing your thoughts and for this important addition Naomi! 🥰

Vienna Coffee's avatar

I think shame also makes people become more self-centered, since you make everything about you, so you will be focusing on yourself, and as mentioned in the essay, shame doesn't allow you to change, but it stops you. So eventually it becomes a loop that it's hard for you to come out.

Luise's avatar

absolutely! it's a vicious cycle 🫠

유비비's avatar

Wow, I'm so glad I stumbled upon this article. It found me at the perfect time.

Luise's avatar

I'm so glad it found you when you needed it!! Thank you for your comment 🫶

Dikshita K.'s avatar

thankyouu sm for this, Luise <3 :')

Luise's avatar

thank youuuu lovely!

Neelanjana's avatar

This is such a helpful article :) The framework mentioned here really helps me avoid spiraling into a self-sabotage cycle

Luise's avatar

oh I'm so glad to hear that 🥹 thank you for your comment!!

Sarah Pauline's avatar

Needed this !!!

Luise's avatar

🤍🤍